Why I’m dumping George Clooney

georgeclooneyWhat’s not to love?

He has it all.   He’s politically correct, witty, speaks Italian,  beloved by Brad Pitt and Julia Roberts and all the women I know—who would line up to give him their hand in marriage or their vote for president or their firstborn child.

I was always at the front of that line—and  I’ll line up to see Up in the Air.   But our personal relationship has run its course.

The break up isn’t what you think—-though I admit that goat movie didn’t help.

And it’s not sour grapes because a woman named Amy Ferris wrote a book I could have written called Marrying George Clooney. It’s not even sour grapes that Marrying George Clooney might  actually happen to that Italian bombshell he’s dating.    If he does marry her,  I hope she gets fat I wish them lots of happiness.

But we’re officially over— due to the oldest reason in the book:  I’m dumping him for someone else.

My change of heart has been coming for a long time.  And it hasn’t been an easy decision; it’s taken soul searching—and even overcoming some Freudian issues— because George looks like a hip version of my father at that age.   And maybe age is the key word here:  mine.   At this age—and this stage—- I’m all over George— and I’m all about Alec Baldwin.

alec-baldwin32And not just  because Alec also blogs for the Huffington Post (although maybe that would that qualify as meeting cute.)

Back in the day, Alec out-clooneyed Clooney.   He was beauty AND the beast—-hairy and hunky and hot enough to sizzle —and fizzle—with  Kim Basinger.

He never lit my fire.   Too slick, too arrogant, too handsome, too  Hollywood.

The 21st century model  is more my speed.   As Alec has GROWN  (in so many ways),  he’s grown on me, too.

There’s something solid and comforting about a teddy bear of a man.  And most movie stars are the opposite.   Since the screen adds pounds, this makes George a heavyweight only in star wattage.  And I’ve never been willing to date a man whose jeans are a smaller waist size than mine.

alec-baldwin-photo.0.0.0x0.361x496Not an issue with Alec.    He’s flirting with high cholesterol, not with starlets.

Looking at George by comparison,  I realize it’s possible this man might not even order dessert— much less eat it.

Alec is a man after my heart—-who’s allowed his appetite to take precedence over his image—a large man who is living large.

And speaking of large, let’s  take a little pause to dispatch the elephant in the room—-that tempest on the telephone.   Let’s face it, who hasn’t lost it with their kids?   There are times when almost every parent is only one step away from a breakdown—-or an arrest.

For me, his pain in public and the press only adds points on his side.    Whereas George has had it easy—-unless you count that motorcycle accident—(in my book,  riding motorcycles automatically detracts points anyway.)   George—with no wife, no kids, no encumbrances— hasn’t suffered.    And in order to build some character, you need to bleed— in the metaphorical sense.

Alec’s vulnerable….he’s bled…and he’s better for it.

Not only personally, but professionally.  Take their career trajectories.  Everyone is gaga for George.  His career just gets bigger—so surely his head must be growing in similar proportion.  George has gone only in one direction—up.  Whereas  Alec has experienced a plunge in professional prestige, descending the Hollywood paradigm from feature films onto the small screen.   He’s not pursued by the paparazzi; not a worldwide sex symbol.   And here’s my philosophy about men who look like gods:  better to lust-—-but not trust.

Alec wears the weight of experience.    He’s tempered and trained by the best teachers —an emotionally unstable ex-wife and a teenage daughter.   For the long haul, women want a man who values brains along with beauty.   As evidence,  I submit his long-standing love affair with Tina Fey.

His best romantic matchup could be opposite Meryl Streep in It’s Complicated—the perfect Christmas gift for women of a certain age.    Just prepare yourself—-Alec has a nude scene.   I’m not sure if this will win any fans—or lose them.    In a recent interview, Alec covers his bases, if nothing else—-urging the magazine to disclose that for his nude scene, he had ” an ass double.”   You gotta love this guy.   So what do you think…..a book called Marrying Alec Baldwin?

Comments

  1. Great Column! I’m still laughing. Speaking of hot older men… Do you remember my older brother David? He graduated class of 67′ Read my column tomorrow and check out his picture. That guy looks SO GOOD at 60….Some guys just age like fine wine!!

  2. Ummm, you can’t have Alec. He’s mine and has been for quite some time. I thought everyone knew this.

  3. Debi–I don’t remember your brother but sounds like I should! Will check out your post tomorrow.

    Maureen–we can share. Luckily there’s PLENTY of Alec to go around.

  4. You can have Alec. I still find him boorish and arrogant. I’m thinking Taye Diggs, except he’s married and younger than me. My old flame, Robert Redford, is really looking tired these days. Johnny Depp, while gorgeous, is a little angsty for me. I guess I’ll just have to keep looking.

    I do have a cute, employed, straight, single (and looking) brother in SF (just turned 48). He’d kill me for this, but what are sisters for?

  5. Remember these guys are actors–and sometimes arrogance comes with the territory —-but I really think Alec has mellowed. Meanwhile though he’s age appropriate for me, I’ve totally dropped age as a criteria—and if I get tired of Alec, I’m considering Gerard Butler.

    As for your brother, I think women in the Bay area would line up to meet him almost as eagerly as they would for George.

  6. Amy Ferris says:

    i for one would not only buy MARRYING ALEC BALDWIN, i would stand in line, in the freezing cold, and wait my turn to bow at him. i for one, think he’s cooler than cool, hipper than hip, sexier than most — straight up solid, no bullshit, he talked about his marriage and kid and break up and gained weight and still looks hot & sexy, and he’s smart as a whip, funny as it gets, politically spot on, i wish he would run for some office, he’s got a bit of a temper, and i bet, I just frickin’ bet he’s got a great ass.

    i still love clooney. maybe we could actually put the two in a room together, i have a hunch they could save a little more of the world.

    and by the way, the thing is, MARRYING GEORGE CLOONEY is all about menopause, mothers and daughters, and midlife and marriage and girlfriends and friendships that sour and googling old boyfriends and mom’s with dementia and siblings that go south. clooney’s a chapter, a fantasy, a middle of the night “what if” if i weren’t married to ken so every one has their fantasy, their what if, their oh my god what if bruce springsteen knocked on my door at 3 am?

    but i have to say, admit, look you smack straight in the eye; your line, your brilliant wonderful line: Alec’s vulnerable….he’s bled…and he’s better for it. has made me love you, respect you and love alec just a bit more.

    no sour grapes on this end.

    and i personally think there oughta be a slew of books:

    MARRYING ALEC BALDWIN

    MARRYING BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

    MARRYING K.D. LANG

    MARRYING…

  7. Amy,

    Now there’s a concept–getting George and Alec in a room together.

    I’m totally on your same page—only with less gorgeous words.
    I think anyone who reads this will immediately want to go buy your book—if they haven’t already.
    YOu’re the best!

  8. Dumping-George-for-Alec? Genius … loved it. Not only women will appreciate this. A certain group of slightly widened males emerging wiser and imperfect after some real life living should find comfort in your words as well.

  9. I really thought only women would get this so thank you for proving me wrong. Recently I was talking with some friends about how we’re noticed some of the men our age seem more obsessed by their bodies than women—so maybe this will take some of the pressure off. LOL.

  10. Alec is even better than I thought. I had to share one of the comments about him on my Facebook page from my friend Jeannie:

    The 51-year-old actor has criticized Hollywood actresses for their slight physiques, saying he would never be able to shoot romantic scenes with most of them as he would do them serious damage.

    He joked: “Women today are so skinny. If I did a love scene with them, I would crush them. If I did a love scene with Renee Zellweger, I would kill her!”

  11. OK, the Zellweger line is funny.

  12. I can tell, you’re gonna become a convert, too. The more I read what Alec says, the more I adore him.

    And by the way I just read that after 7 years, he recently broke up with his girlfriend (a non-celebrity lawyer —more points for him) …. So he’s available. I’m already at the front of the line. LOL.

  13. I love this. It’s great. I even read everybody ELSE’S postings! Love the pictures too.

  14. So glad to hear you liked it. Are you completely gaga for George—or did I help Alec win one more woman over to his side? LOL.

  15. Barbara Lerner says:

    Love Alec & still love George. Why do we have to choose?

  16. I agree. I couldn’t stand how opinionated and pushy Alec was when he was young, though undeniably gorgeous. He was unattainable. Intimidating.

    Now, that he’s older, calmer and much more amusing (though he was always funny) he laughs at himself, he’s adorable.

    I’m crazy about him. It’s actually distracting to watch 30 Rock, now that I’ve developed a mad crush on him after several years of mere like. He’s a great actor and can’t seem to fail no matter how hard he’s sabotaged himself with his previous attitude. Like that recent article about him, he’s too good to fail and he’s still handsome and alluring, in his own chubby way. He holds your interest, you want to see him succeed.

    I agree with the Clooney assessment, too. I have tempered my admiration for him. He is just one of those guys that always come out on top, unscathed and dazzling. Maybe a little too dazzling. He is down to earth though. I thought his Up in the Air performance was really good. He moved me to tears.

    Also agree, why choose? They’re both great, both very unique. That’s star quality for you. I’m just rooting more for the underdog, that’s all.

  17. Perfect. A woman after my own heart…which has softened a little toward George since I wrote this.

  18. Nearly a year after the fact, why am I just now stumbling on this delightful article? I faithfully and passionately google all things Alec Baldwin and yet I missed this. I’m delighted I found it now. Made my Saturday morning! I’ve been an Alec fan since the late 80′s (ok, I was only 12 maybe, but it’s never to early to crush on a handsome man, is it?) I’ve loved him through thick and thin, literally, and have to agree with you. I actually love the current Alec the best. There is just no substitute for a mature, experienced MAN with a few comfortable flaws and a lot of warmth, intelligence and humor. He may be a few pounds heavier, but is still a drop-dead gorgeous, sexy hunk of MAN. Striplings need not apply. “It’s Complicated” was purrrfect. Alex “nude” scene? Oh My Godzzz. Also purrfect. I like seeing a little bit of meat on a guy. Again, MAN! And furry! Mmmm… Ok, I’m seriously stretching the boundaries of good taste here, but you “get it”, huh? I also still like Clooney, but left that country a while back. Alec is forever. He just gets better and better. One can imagine curling up in front of a fire around a good book and Alec. Or just… Alec. :-D

    • It took you awhile to find my piece and it took me awhile to find your comment! But so glad I did–totally agree with what you said–and there is no stretching the boundaries of good taste with either of these men, they would both agree I’m sure.
      Also agree Alec just gets better and better.
      Thanks so much for commenting!

  19. Hey Daryl, Adorable, thought provoking fun! I have met both these gentlemen, and I must say, I have and will always be team Alec. Though George is the perfect example of Peter Pan, his wrists are too slight, he can’t keep his attention on you for a second, and I’m sorry, his teeth sit in his mouth funny. As for darling Alec, his wrists are sturdy, he discussed at great length the value of public schools while covertly checking out my tits while keeping steady eye contact, and he has a twinkle in his eye, that if I weren’t happily married, would have deliciously landed me in the sack. Like me, Alec is damaged goods. Damaged and good. xo

    • Lucky you to have met both of them! Am very jealous and LOVE your take on both of them, just validates what comes through without meeting them. Now Alec sounds even better than he did before—your comment is hilarious!!

  20. You are so right about this. Im 27 and I still think Alec is insanely hot even today. I might have more of a chance with him today too as let’s face it, no one really did when he was young (except Kim Bassinger types).

    What I love about him most is he seems like such a warm, genuine person. Charlie Sheen could learn a lot from this man his age!

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