Finally first

My husband V often says he comes last on my priority list – behind my children, friends,  work,  and our cat.  I’m not saying he’s right.   And I’m not saying he’s wrong.  (The cat thinks she  has the top spot.)

But today is about honoring fathers.  And though V isn’t their father, he’s been the step-dad to my two kids for almost 20 years.

I’ve never written about him on Father’s Day; and not much lately on my blog.  Although I’ve written lately about my  dad and my children’s dad, Howard, who died last year.

I’m not saying that’s the reason V has risen to the top of the list.   But I do want to let him know how much we appreciate and love him for being a wonderful step-dad all those years.

In every divorce, the family dynamic is different.  Being a step-dad can be a thankless job;  they often do heavy lifting but get little credit.

To be honest, I take most of the credit for raising my kids.  (If they hadn’t turned out well, I guarantee I would blame one or both husbands.)  Though you might think the biggest aspect of being a step-dad is his relationship with the kids, actually I think an equal challenge is the step-dad’s relationship wtih the adults.

And there V gets extra credit.    V always supported me as a mom; and he also supported Howard as a dad.  Though V was living with the kids, he respected their closeness to their dad and never tried to take his place.   It’s not an easy line to walk;  yet V  never made a misstep.

I certainly never imagined my children would ever experience divorce, yet I think they benefitted by having two very different men love them.

So I think this is the right time  to give V some credit for his part.  And this is the right place since he’s been  the biggest supporter of my blog from day one.

Actually he could have a blog with the same title:  I never signed up for this….

But he’d never say that; because he doesn’t complain like I do.  He accepts what came along with our marriage–

Whether it’s my cancer, which arrived on our first anniversary…..

Or my clutter, which arrived well before that.

He handled cancer and clutter the same way he handles everything:  i.e. much more in stride than I would. How is it even possible that someone like me marries TWO husbands who were OCD?

Anyway, here’s how V started off Father’s Day weekend this year:


….cleaning out our garage in preparation for our move to Los Angeles.

So today, V, take the day off from packing, relax and enjoy the US Open.

It’s Father’s Day, and you come first.

Just remember that tomorrow, the cat wants her spot back ahead of you on my list.

Happy Father’s Day to all dads!


  1. Priscilla says:

    Nice tribute to V.! Moving is one way to declutter, I look forward to reading about that journey.

  2. Mary Carde says:

    You’re moving back to LA?!
    Once you get settled, I hope we can get together.
    Here’s to the move going as smoothly as any major transition can …

  3. Thank you! Look forward to seeing you in LA!

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